Student’s text: A Resumé of How The Sun Came To Be
How The Sun Came To Be
The story is about a young woman. The woman have has been promised to be married with a man. She was gone for a long time. [Student left out important part, which could have aided with further understanding of the following sentence] When she arrived to a camp was there no food and no water. There was no place to sleep (fractioning sentences). The woman was hungry, thirsty and she was tired but the young woman has not given up because she felt that she was strong. And the woman went back to her own people. Afterwards the woman and her people walked over to a camp, where they sat down and ate food and drank some water. The young woman made a campfire (fractioning sentences). She made the campfire, and after the build she made it even bigger, so the people could be warm. So (missing: she) used the whole day building the campfire, so all the people could (missing: be) warm (repetition). After she saw that her people was happy. Her people was very grateful for the warmth, so they called her campfire the sun (missing: full stop)
Made by B.
- General comments
- Text type
- Overall organization (none)
- Sentence grammar
- Spelling and punctuation
- Presentation (none)
- Feedback would be provided on mainly spelling and punctuation, and sentence grammar, on the basis that mistakes (wrong hypothesis) under these two categories are the most prevalent.
- But also quick a comment on the overall meaning of the text, which fails when she leaves out an important part of the story.
- Feedback given would include first and foremost corrections followed by examples of correct or improved sentence structure.
- Feedback on sentence grammar could also correlate into the student improving on the cohesive mistakes she’s making in the text.
- Pre-task activity that introduces the specific requirements of a resume (genre).